The Art of Being Present
I am pretty sure that I miss the moments in my life because my mind is already invested in thinking about the next one. I know I am not the only one. It is a crazy cycle that has my brain unable to slow down. I want to but a habit so deeply engrained is difficult to break. This Christmas I miss my mom as Christmas was her absolutely favorite time of year. Where once Holidays were big family gatherings, time with family has changed. Time continues. I am reminded of a conversation between Frodo and Gandalf in Lord of the Rings.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. “
Time will not wait for us to pay attention and there are no do overs. The habits in our lives are strong neural pathways in our brains. Rewiring those neurons takes mindful purposeful effort. I recently came across information on how to stop a panic attack. A situation that causes a person to go into a panic attack can be can be helped by taking purposeful steps. It occurred to me that these techniques can be used to help us retrain our brains to be focused on the present as well.
This is a technique called Grounding. In order to be present, work to be in tuned with our senses.
- Breathe: Take a deep breath in through your nose filling your lungs by pushing out our belly for a deeper breath. Then let the breath freely release through your mouth. Continue to breathe this way.
- See: Begin to look around at your environment. See what is around you.
- Sight: Look for 5 things you can see. In stopping a panic attack or anxiety attack, what you look for may not be important. Here, try to find things that are significant to you.
- Hear: Listen and differentiate the sounds around you. You can be listening to music or someone speaking. Consider the back ground noise, the dishwasher or the hum of traffic.
- Smell: You can consciously connect with smells that are already present. Plumeria will forever remind me of my grandmother. Essential oils is a way I create memories. I love to give my children lavender in a bubble bath when they are sick. My daughter loves peppermint essential oil at bedtime. This will create a connection for her to her memories.
- Touch: My son has a small blanket with satin tags on them. Those tags have pilled over time. He loves to run the tags over his face at night. This sensory experience is a significant pert of helping him focus on falling asleep. In being present, think about what you have to feel. What do things feel around you? When you hug you child, parent, friend, what does the fabric feel like. What is the feel of your parent’s couch, their hand towels in the bathroom or a guest bedroom pillow. When my children are sick, I take the fold out bed in the family room out for them to rest on. I can guess that when they are all grown up, a mattress with protruding springs will take them back to that memory.
- Taste: Please promise me you will not go around licking people. That is not a memory we need to make. A more practical application is certain drinks or food associated with a memory. Make certain foods a part of habits or traditions. Growing up, we always had Chili for Christmas Eve dinner. Left over turkey from Thanksgiving was always made into turkey enchiladas. When I had a cold, my mom made Jell-o. Herbal tea reminds me of a close friend who loves tea. It doesn’t have to be unhealthy foods but creating traditions is one way to make memories and experiences stronger. In those moments, our brains will be more intentionally present. When I eat Chili on Christmas Eve, I am not thinking about my to do list. I feel the memory surrounded in love and care when I eat Jell-O. The sensory connection is that strong.
The intentionality in connecting all of your senses is the best way to connect with your surroundings, strengthen the bonds you have with yourself, your present and grow your relationships. We are absolutely rushing through our lives trying to keep up. The thing is, it is not a race to win. It is your journey, your adventure, your story. Relish it. Embrace it. Steep in it. Pickle in it and let it change you. Every moment is experienced once. That is all you get. No one got to the end of their lives and wished they wrote more lists, worked longer hours or ignored their families better. Life is meant to be lived, not a task to run through. Witness it. Breathe it in. Eat it up. Embrace it.