The “What if” monster. How to master the fear of the unknown.

The “What if?” monster is made up of the scary what if scenarios we come up with that is born out of insecurities and fear. They can range from daily to seasonal insecurities like, “What if I didn’t turn off the my curling iron?” to “What if I lose my job?” Either way, they are super common and we are here to go through this together.

I am scared of failure and rejection. There, I said it. I am. My “what if” monster is real. What if I invest my time and heart into my dream and it fails? What if I share something dear to my heart and I get rejected? What if I invest in a friendship but the friend doesn’t invest back? Raise your hand if you totally relate.

I spoke to my churches youth group recently. I asked for a show of hands for who has “what if” fears. There were a whole lot of hands that shot up. I wasn’t surprised. I don’t know anyone who can’t come up with any number of scenarios for conflict.

What if my friends leave me?

What if I fail school?

What if I get fired from my job?

I have this tongue twister sort of saying that I love. “What if ‘what if’ is it, then what?” It sounds crazy but it is the first step in conquering the fear.

If I write a book and no one reads it then what?

If I try that new hobby and I bomb, then what?

If I apply for that job and don’t get it, then what?

Then what?

Sometimes, facing it down and making a plan makes it a lot less scary. Here is is my favorite example of how it works.

What if I lose my job? What happens is you need a new job. Do you have the credentials to get a job in the field you are in? Do you really, at the end of the day, like the field you are in? Could you use a certification to be more marketable in your field or maybe need some more education or experience in a field you would prefer to go into? Start moving out. Save money. Save enough so that if you lose your job, you have a savings buffer for looking for a job. A magical thing can happen when you face down the “What if?” monster. It can be a lot less scary then you thought initially. You also come out a lot stronger than you think.

Some days, getting to the the grocery store, taking care of my children and making a well rounded dinner for them is the extent of the energy I can call on. Thinking about doing anything else feels monumental. We do not have to use monumental strength every single day. Here is a part of my story that I faced one whopper of a “What if?” monster.

I decided to get a masters degree when my son was one year old and my daughter was three years old. It wasn’t easy and it was for sure scary. Who does that? Well, right after I started my first semester, my mom called me with some very horrible news. She had been diagnosed with a very aggressive brain tumor.

Here I was in an incredibly traumatic situation. My young healthy beautiful mother had disintegrated before my eyes. On top of that, I lived on the other side of the country from my family. I had to take several trips back and forth, be away from my children and get child care lined up. A wonderful family at my church volunteered to watch my children while my husband worked and I needed to be with my mom. In all of that, I continued to do my masters. In fact, I wrote one of my best research papers on the neurology of ADHD in my mom’s hospital room.

You can bet that their were fears of failure, grief, anxiety and stress rolling around inside of me and radiating off of me through out that very difficult time. I can however tell you that I made it through. My mom’s body only lasted six months after her diagnoses and now I know I will embrace her again someday in Heaven. I know she would be so proud of my masters, my parenting, and my ministry as a chaplain.

Life is unpredictable. We can create scenarios in our minds for all kinds of possible ways every day could go. We could get in a car accident but we still drive. We could still lose out on a lot of things but every day, we still get up and we still live.

Sometimes we do fail. It happens. It is unavoidable. What if I write a book and no one reads it? Y’all, I write that from my heart. I’ve wanted to write a book since I was 10. If I don’t write the book, no one reads it and that is the end of that. If I write a book and no one reads it or worse, people read it and hate it, then what? What if I wrote a book and it goes viral as the most hated book in the history of hated books? See how that spirals super fast?

The fear of “What if?” can stop you in your tracks but life isn’t lived when no risk is taken. Share your thoughts and fears with people you trust who can help you walk through it. Never go it alone. Write the fears down and face them one by one. Seek out help. Maybe it is a friend or a professional.

If you are ready to make eye contact with that ugly monster and move forward, lets do it together. Instead of spiraling down, lets build steps to move forward. What is your “What if?” monster and how can we make that next step towards brave?