Managing Anxiety Part 1

“It’s a low-grade fear. An edginess, a dread. A cold wind that won’t stop howling. It’s not so much a storm as the certainty that one is coming. Always coming. All peace is temporary, short term. Its not the sight of a grizzly but the suspicion of one or two or ten. Behind every tree. Behind every turn. Inevitable. Its just a matter of time until the grizzly leaps out of the shadows, bares its fangs, and gobbles you up, along with your family, your friends, your bank account, your pets, and your country. You don’t sleep well. You don’t laugh often. You don’t enjoy the sun. And when others do, you give them a look. That look. That “are you naïve” look. Anxiety is a meteor shower of what ifs. Anxiety isn’t fun. Could you use some calm? If so, you aren’t alone. It is not God’s will or desire that you lead a life of perpetual anxiety. It is not his desire that you face every day dread and trepidation. He made you for more than a life of breath stealing angst and worry.” Excerpt from Max Lucado’s book, Anxious for Nothing

I remember sitting in a church function in my early twenties feeling so overwhelmingly angry. I was so angry at God that if felt like an out of body experience. I was watching myself so full of rage that I was shaking. I over thought everything and my brain was misfiring big time. I cried. I slept a lot. I didn’t eat much because the pit of anxiety in my gut wouldn’t allow me to.  I knew I couldn’t live like that, especially the not eating thing. I tried birth control to regulate hormones. It didn’t work. Then came the migraines. It has been a 15 year journey to learn to live with anxiety and thrive in my own skin. It is still a journey. It will always be a journey.

My own mental health experience is a huge catalyst for the direction I have taken with my life. I advocate loudly and often. I felt alone in a brain that was screaming fire. I have done battle within myself. Max Lucado’s book is such a comforting tool for seeking peace in a relationship with God and a secure community. I have read books from Biblical truth and support to books written my neuroscientists. I hope to share the books I have read here on this blog. During my time with a psychologist, I was given a book by Dr Daniel Amen, a neuroscientist and psychologist. He is a leading expert in brain function, disorders and trauma. His book comes with pictures. The child in me loves that. He has spect scans of healthy brains in comparison to brains with ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar, you name it, he has studied it. Seeing the brain misfire somehow helps me.

Sister, I know the feel of the rumble beneath my feet of the theoretical storm coming and the hot breath of the grizzle bear I cannot see. It wasn’t until my daughter was born that I realized I had to make some serious changes to myself to be a better example for her. I went to therapy. I started taking medicine. I changed who I chose to be around. I did it for her initially. I do it for everyone including myself now. I do not ever want anyone to feel alone if I can help it. I got a masters degree for my son and daughter to prove no hurdle is to big. I will write about this forever.

The following are a few examples of what helped me.

Find the right doctor. You won’t be surprised how many doctors don’t have a flipping clue amount mental health. The stories I have heard will have you laughing and crying. Interview doctors. Ask people who they see. The stigma of years past is fading away so if you are comfortable, ask on social media. You will be so surprised how many people will have recommendations. Do not stay with a bad doctor. Keep searching because when you find your fit, it will be a door opening to a whole new existence. I absolutely love my primary care team.

Find the right counselor. This is exactly the same. Ask around. Interview therapists. Ask trusted friends. Don’t give up. When one seems like a bad fit after a few visits, find a new therapists. Trust me when I say, they want you to have to right fit as much as you. They know they won’t fit every person.

Diet and exercise play a huge part. Girl, don’t even act like you don’t know that. Junk food = junk feelings, healthy food = healthy feelings. It isn’t so much knowing though as it is building up the habits and will power to eat the right food and do the yoga or running or whatever. Don’t let failure stop you. Eating cake doesn’t mean you are done. It just means you ate cake. So continue on with your goal of healthy eating. The longer you work at it, the less slip backs you have. I will share a whole lot more later on how to build habits. You want to know the best way to nail this one though?

Build your tribe. Yup, building habits is so much easier with a fantastic support system. Amy Poehler wasn’t wrong when she said, “Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them and it will change your life.” How do you find those people? Years ago, I started just talking about who I am and what I live with. I have anxiety attacks. I’ve cried in the shower. When friends are talking about how to remove stains, ask if anyone knows how to remove tear stains off pillows. Ok, maybe that is me. I use dry sarcastic wit maybe a little to much. Regardless of how you work, “Hey I have anxiety.” into conversation, others will begin to respond with, “Hey, me too.” Then when you find people who seem to have their act together, hang out with those people. I can’t tell you how many people have come up to me and told me that they felt so alone dealing with their anxiety, depression, panic attacks and felt shame. Now they are getting help and are now working on being open about their issues. All the side ways glances from those who still don’t get it are worth it for that one person in the crowd who can be helped by me putting myself out there.

Medication. Medication is not an enemy. Totally respect if you choose not to use it. I am going to state this here; never under any circumstances make anyone feel less of a human being because they choose to use medication to help with their mental health. I will spare you the whole “the brain is an organ too just like the heart and stomach.” You are not stupid. You know that. I also know that every medication has some sort of side effects. I know that the journey to find the right meds is hard and can have difficult moments. When I was first diagnosed with ADD, I was very hurt by a friend’s criticism of my right to take medicine. We don’t talk anymore. It kills me when people share with me their own journey dealing with shame over using medicine because somewhere along the way, they received the lie that medicine made them weak.

I have so so so much more to say about each of these and I will. I will write follow up posts about each of these. I pray you will allow me, here to be a part of your tribe. Comment, email, find me on Facebook or Instagram. We all need people in our corner and sister, I am so freaking in your corner. I am praying hard for you, I am thinking about you constantly. I am going to school just to help you. God is for you and so am I. We can do this together.